Saturday, November 5, 2011

I am the master of my fate.

Trying to find the motivation to do what needs to be done. It seems that for over a year I have been dealing with this same issue. I know what changes need to be made. I just need to change them. I shall wake up tomorrow and try again...

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Invictus by William Ernest Henley

Sunday, October 30, 2011

and 6 months later...

I am still no farther from the starting line.

I didn't realize that it has been so long since I posted. and I always claim that I'm going to blog more. Right. We all know better than that.

Not much has really changed. Work still insane and with Christmas quickly approaching, its only going to get worse.

I did about 6 weeks of physical therapy for my feet and my PT says I'm overdoing it on running and to slow down. *sigh*

I started taking yoga about 2 months ago and completely fell in love. I am hooked!! I honestly don't know how i lived so long without yoga in my life!! I'm trying to go 4-5 times a week, but I just signed up for Yoga Journal's 21 Day Yoga Challenge. 21 days straight of Yoga. It would sound daunting if i didn't love it so much. I'm not obligated to go to my studio, but since i'm paying for it... might as well. No excuses... just yoga.

I hope to blog more about my experiences, successes and failures over these next 21 days. Maybe that should be a goal as well.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Its May 1 already?!?

Wow. Have I been MIA from here or what?!? I guess life happens sometimes. Here's the Reader's Digest breakdown of the past month and change:

1. My ear infection raged on until recently. I still have some fluid behind my ear drum which causes some minor discomfort and makes me irritated, but nothing I can't handle.

2. Got successfully moved out of the apartment on the 31 of March. Cleaning took forever and I only just got fully unpacked last week. There have been arguments and I get frustrated at the parentals, but at the end of the day, I'm glad to be home and saving money.

3. I was promoted to the Membership Team Lead at Sam's about 2-ish weeks ago. We still haven't filled my previous position, so i am doing both... which suuuuucks. I'm trying to do 80 hours of work in 38.7 and still trying to meet quotas. Until the position is filed, each job will be half-assed for a while. I can't be everywhere all the time. I hope it gets filled soon... I'm exhausted.

4. My trip to Seattle to see U2 has been canceled. My friend and I have had such medical issues, we've been unable to save money. So we decided instead to wait until July and see U2 in St. Louis. The plan is to drive to Memphis, stay with friends and then drive to STL the day before the concert and stay in a wicked nice hotel within walking distance to the arena. Leave Monday after the concert and be back to work by Tuesday. It will be way cheaper (plane tickets to Seattle were about $400pp) and just as fun because I'll get to see my favorites in Memphis.

5. I haven't been able to workout and run like I have been, due to reasons 1-3. This week is going to be crazy hectic at work, but I'm going to try to start getting workouts in this week or next. I've decided to put of my first marathon until 2012, since I don't think its safe to push my body to run 26.2 miles in 6 months. I'm still debating on going to run the half marathon, but we'll see. Taking off work in December will be difficult.

I am planning on running the Auckland Marathon in New Zealand in October 2012. I figured I should go big for my first marathon and have been wanting to visit New Zealand forever. What better way to spend my vacation than running a marathon?!? I just need to decide whether its better to do the run at the beginning or end of my vacation. I'm thinking it would be better to do it at the beginning, in case something happens and I injure myself. The plan is to rent a vacation house and a bike and go all over the country and possibly to Australia too. I want to skydive, learn to surf, cliff dive and possibly learn to ski/snowboard while there. Its going to be expensive, but a once in a lifetime adventure. I have 1.5 years to plan and save. But its going to be EPIC!

I think you're now caught up. I hope to start blogging more, but I really need to work on my time management. :-P

Sunday, March 20, 2011

30 Day Song Challenge Day 5

Day 5: A song that reminds you of someone

Oh Lordy... this post could go on forever. I have hundreds of songs that remind me of my dearest friends. So lets just get on with it:

Leland: He introduced me to the German version of "Major Tom (Coming Home)." I loved the English version, but adore the German version.

Kasey: I can't count how many times we sang this together in the car/dorm room/while walking around the UMASS campus.

Chad: I could pick tons just for him. I almost went with a Chaka Khan song, since we saw her live together, but nothing reminds me of my Chad more than songs from the film/musical "Hedwig and the Angry Inch." If you haven't seen this film, rent it!!

Dustin: I'm not quite sure how this became one of our songs. It just happened and BOB-FM plays it quite a lot (because he plays everything), so I'm constantly reminded of my bestie.

and last but not least...

My PANDA!!! We went to see this film at the Tallgrass Film Al Fresco one night and were confused, yet thought it was hilarious!! RASPBERRIES!!!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

30 Day Song Challenge Day 4

Day 4: A Song that makes me sad.

"But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights. The shades and shadows undulate in my perception. My feelings swell and stretch; I see from greater heights. I understand what I am still too proud to mention... to you."

I'd like to see Rebecca Black or Justin Bieber drop the word "undulate" in one of their songs.

If you don't own Fiona Apple's album "Tidal," you need to hop on iTunes, or head to your nearest Best Buy and get it... NOW. This album came out when I was 13 years old (1996) and it wasn't until I was 16/17 that I was introduced to her and fell in love. This album defined the summer before my junior year of high school. My first serious relationship had ended the fall before in epic tragedy (i was cheated on for the first time) and I was deep into another one... who would end up cheating on me later (all because at 16, I wouldn't put out. I have morals, go figure).

Listening to Fiona again makes me miss the 90s and the amazing music it gave us, especailly from women. It was the age of Lillith Fair and Sarah McLachlan brought together some of the most amazing women artists of the time: Fiona Apple, Sheryl Crow, Queen Latifah, Diana Krall, Indigo Girls, Jewel and Martina McBride, to name a few. Where else would you get this eclectic mix of female artists? We were introduced to the estrogen angst of Alanis Morissette and while women celebrated... men were nervous. It was a fantastic time to be a woman.

But I digress...

This song is about insecurity, trust and expectations. The lyrics are extremely powerful and the melody is hauntingly beautiful. I understand the hurt and insecurity at the beginning and the realization of strength at the end. I understand it more than I would like to admit.

It did take me a while to choose this song. I'm generally a happy person, so finding a song that makes me sad was a) difficult, and b) not really something I want to do. But while searching, I did find a few that made the short list. These songs don't necessarily make me cry or bum me out, but it strikes a chord in me... insecurity (like above) or yearning for something in my life.

Honorable Mentions:

"I Want Love" by Elton John. Amazing lyrics and a fantastic video.

"Someone Like You" by Adele. If you have a heart that has been broken, or regret a decision you made in love... this song will hit you. This would have gotten the #1 slot, until I found Fiona's song. Fiona's song has been with me longer. Adele's new album "21" is another you need to go buy right now.

"The Steward of Gondor" feat. Billy Boyd. Know by about 5 other names, this is the official title from The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King Soundtrack. Amazing lyrics and the scene is so powerful. Can't put the video here, but take the minute to watch a brilliant bit of film making. Better yet... just watch all 3 extended editions.

Friday, March 18, 2011

30 Day Song Challenge Day 3

Day 3: A song that makes you happy.

A little girl stands alone on a stage. Her bee costume shimmers in the single spot light. She begins to tap dance. She finishes and gives a low bow to the crowd, extremely proud of herself. The crowd doesn't applaud, just laughs. She runs away crying.

Thus starts The Bee Girl's search for acceptance.

How can you not love Blind Melon's "No Rain?" The song's lyrics are simple and the guitar riff is upbeat and can only make you smile. To me, its about relishing in the little things in life and also being yourself, regardless of whether people think its odd or not.

The video is a perfect reflection of that. Bee Girl runs around the city, dancing for anyone who will watch. They think she's a little odd. But at the end, she finds the field of Bee People dancing and enjoying the sun. She has found acceptance with others.

Maybe one day, we can all find acceptance.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

30 Day Song Challenge Day 1 and 2

I don't blog enough. Really, nothing exciting has been happening. I've been sick. I've been packing and trying to move. I haven't been working out due to said sickness. The End.

So for the next 30 days, I decided to participate in Facebook's 30 Day Song Challenge. Not really much of a challenge, but its a fun way to explore my love of music and my tastes.

Since I technically started yesterday, here are Days 1 & 2!!

Day 1: Your Favorite Song

How can one put in to words the love of a song that has changed your whole outlook on life and can instantly change your mood and perspective? That is what U2's "Where the Streets Have No Name" does to me every time. I never really listened to U2 much before, probably 2007. I knew their radio hits. I liked them. Something happened after I moved back from Boston, though... I became more in tune with The Edge's delayed arpeggio at then beginning and end, the throbbing bass line (thank you, Adam) and Bono's passionate plea to find that place and to go there together. We can find transcendence, peace, and love.

Day 2: Your Least Favorite Song

I despise this song and everything it stands for. I'm irritated by the lyrics and the video (which I saw for the first time today). I thought maybe my tastes would change 7 years later, but NOPE! Still can't stand the song. It was a toss-up between this and "The Girl from Ipanema," but I found a youtube video of Andy Williams singing it and didn't hate it so much. I then watched the "Redneck Woman" video and was annoyed, so it won the title of my Least Favorite Song. In 2004, this song had every bleach-blonde, Coach-purse wielding, Carey Bradshaw wanna be all of a sudden screaming "hell yeah!!" I'm sorry, ladies, you can't be both. Getting dolled up in cowgirl chic when you decide to hit a country club is a personality... redneck is a lifestyle.

and if you want to see what made me change a 28 year old opinion of a song in less than 2 minutes:

Stay tuned for the next 28 days to see what other gems I can come up with!!